Sarcasm aside, as we have talked about this touchy subject this past week, I have thought a lot about why it is so taboo. For one thing, we live in a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on sexual and intimate relations being private, and although I feel like this is changing a bit, it is still a deep-rooted societal norm that is shared across many of the major world cultures. Another reason this topic is so awkward to talk about it because it is very personal, and it really isn’t our place to give people specific advice on their personal marital intimacy. With those points being said, I would like to talk a bit about some of the general themes and ideas that marital intimacy affects us on a personal and cultural level.
As might be expected to someone who has a basic knowledge of the biological makeup of people, men and women are affected by martial intimacy in very different ways. There are three big hormones that are released during intimate moments, these are dopamine, serotonin, and in women oxytocin.
Dopamine is something most of us are familiar with as ‘getting a high’. It helps us feel excited and good while performing a verity of acts and is part of evolutionary development in most animals to reward us by performing acts that benefit us. Sexual reproducing is very important, and uses dopamine extensively, causing us to crave it.
Serotonin is another important hormone, which has more to do with giving us a feeling of wellbeing and contentedness. It is sometimes used to help treat extreme depression and is important in making us not only feel excited about intimate relations but also feel like they are important for our wellbeing.
Both males and females produce these two hormones during intimate or sexual acts. The hormone oxytocin, however, is only produced by females. Oxytocin is important in helping us build connection and trust with those who have shared intimate moments.
So along with these difference in hormones, males are also aroused a lot quicker and with less control, while females are aroused over a longer period of time, and their arousal is stronger based on their feelings of safety and trust. Because of this, sexual moments for one marriage partner can mean something a lot different than for the other partner.
This can present problems because a man might be able to feel as though they have a satisfying intimate relationship, while his wife may not be fully satisfied because. It also becomes a problem with the culture of casual sex that seems to be prevalent today, because while a man might be able to have sex with just anyone and not really think much about it, a woman would build up at least a small amount of trust and connection with people she is having sexual relations with. Long term, this can lead to attachment issues, causing them to put less emphasis on those trust feelings and causing them to suppress natural mental processes of connection when none exists.
I don’t pretend to be an expert in this subject, but I think as we come to better understand this taboo topic, we will be better able to understand our feelings and our partner's feelings in relationships. These reactions have developed over the long course of our evolutionary history, guided by God’s hand, and we have them for a reason. It is our duty to discover this reason and use it.
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